#cosmically defective

[xlettex]

i ended up being so much busier than I thought and didn’t have any time to write :((

i have lots of train rides on my vacation so maybe i’ll get a chance to write then

[emaya-chan-the-potato-headed]

I literally only have two moods now......FALSE HIGH/HOPE and being completely abandoned by everyone and everything

[galactic-glamour-girl-posts]

Shadow Queen VS Cursa

[angstandhappiness]

Interesting

Please pray for Bruce, because I remember Batman Universe, where Bruce got an unstable White Lantern ring that basically trapped him inside it but still gave him Lantern powers and Dick Grayson's immediate response was, "Hey, do I get one?" AND NOW HE HAS A SECOND CHILD WHO SAYS SHIT LIKE, "Your false hand is smoking and it's super strong, I bet it can do other cool stuff, I WANT ONE." CRYING, BRUCE'S KIDS ARE PURE CHAOS, HELP HIM.

[nasa]

Seeing the Invisible Universe

This computer-simulated image shows a supermassive black hole at the core of a galaxy. The black region in the center represents the black hole’s event horizon, beyond which no light can escape the massive object’s gravitational grip. The black hole’s powerful gravity distorts space around it like a funhouse mirror. Light from background stars is stretched and smeared as it skims by the black hole. You might wonder — if this Tumblr post is about invisible things, what’s with all the pictures? Even though we can’t see these things with our eyes or even our telescopes, we can still learn about them by studying how they affect their surroundings. Then, we can use what we know to make visualizations that represent our understanding.

When you think of the invisible, you might first picture something fantastical like a magic Ring or Wonder Woman’s airplane, but invisible things surround us every day. Read on to learn about seven of our favorite invisible things in the universe!

1. Black Holes

This animation illustrates what happens when an unlucky star strays too close to a monster black hole. Gravitational forces create intense tides that break the star apart into a stream of gas. The trailing part of the stream escapes the system, while the leading part swings back around, surrounding the black hole with a disk of debris. A powerful jet can also form. This cataclysmic phenomenon is called a tidal disruption event.

You know ‘em, and we love ‘em. Black holes are balls of matter packed so tight that their gravity allows nothing — not even light — to escape. Most black holes form when heavy stars collapse under their own weight, crushing their mass to a theoretical singular point of infinite density.

Although they don’t reflect or emit light, we know black holes exist because they influence the environment around them — like tugging on star orbits. Black holes distort space-time, warping the path light travels through, so scientists can also identify black holes by noticing tiny changes in star brightness or position.

2. Dark Matter

A simulation of dark matter forming large-scale structure due to gravity.

What do you call something that doesn’t interact with light, has a gravitational pull, and outnumbers all the visible stuff in the universe by five times? Scientists went with “dark matter,” and they think it's the backbone of our universe’s large-scale structure. We don’t know what dark matter is — we just know it's nothing we already understand.

We know about dark matter because of its gravitational effects on galaxies and galaxy clusters — observations of how they move tell us there must be something there that we can’t see. Like black holes, we can also see light bend as dark matter’s mass warps space-time.

3. Dark Energy

Animation showing a graph of the universe’s expansion over time. While cosmic expansion slowed following the end of inflation, it began picking up the pace around 5 billion years ago. Scientists still aren’t sure why.

No one knows what dark energy is either — just that it’s pushing our universe to expand faster and faster. Some potential theories include an ever-present energy, a defect in the universe’s fabric, or a flaw in our understanding of gravity.

Scientists previously thought that all the universe’s mass would gravitationally attract, slowing its expansion over time. But when they noticed distant galaxies moving away from us faster than expected, researchers knew something was beating gravity on cosmic scales. After further investigation, scientists found traces of dark energy’s influence everywhere — from large-scale structure to the background radiation that permeates the universe.

4. Gravitational Waves

Two black holes orbit each other and generate space-time ripples called gravitational waves in this animation.

Like the ripples in a pond, the most extreme events in the universe — such as black hole mergers — send waves through the fabric of space-time. All moving masses can create gravitational waves, but they are usually so small and weak that we can only detect those caused by massive collisions.  Even then they only cause infinitesimal changes in space-time by the time they reach us. Scientists use lasers, like the ground-based LIGO (Laser Interferometer Gravitational-Wave Observatory) to detect this precise change. They also watch pulsar timing, like cosmic clocks, to catch tiny timing differences caused by gravitational waves.

This animation shows gamma rays (magenta), the most energetic form of light, and elusive particles called neutrinos (gray) formed in the jet of an active galaxy far, far away. The emission traveled for about 4 billion years before reaching Earth. On Sept. 22, 2017, the IceCube Neutrino Observatory at the South Pole detected the arrival of a single high-energy neutrino. NASA’s Fermi Gamma-ray Space Telescope showed that the source was a black-hole-powered galaxy named TXS 0506+056, which at the time of the detection was producing the strongest gamma-ray activity Fermi had seen from it in a decade of observations.

5. Neutrinos

This animation shows gamma rays (magenta), the most energetic form of light, and elusive particles called neutrinos (gray) formed in the jet of an active galaxy far, far away. The emission traveled for about 4 billion years before reaching Earth. On Sept. 22, 2017, the IceCube Neutrino Observatory at the South Pole detected the arrival of a single high-energy neutrino. NASA’s Fermi Gamma-ray Space Telescope showed that the source was a black-hole-powered galaxy named TXS 0506+056, which at the time of the detection was producing the strongest gamma-ray activity Fermi had seen from it in a decade of observations.

Because only gravity and the weak force affect neutrinos, they don’t easily interact with other matter — hundreds of trillions of these tiny, uncharged particles pass through you every second! Neutrinos come from unstable atom decay all around us, from nuclear reactions in the Sun to exploding stars, black holes, and even bananas.

Scientists theoretically predicted neutrinos, but we know they actually exist because, like black holes, they sometimes influence their surroundings. The National Science Foundation’s IceCube Neutrino Observatory detects when neutrinos interact with other subatomic particles in ice via the weak force.

6. Cosmic Rays

This animation illustrates cosmic ray particles striking Earth's atmosphere and creating showers of particles.

Every day, trillions of cosmic rays pelt Earth’s atmosphere, careening in at nearly light-speed — mostly from outside our solar system. Magnetic fields knock these tiny charged particles around space until we can hardly tell where they came from, but we think high energy events like supernovae can accelerate them. Earth’s atmosphere and magnetic field protect us from cosmic rays, meaning few actually make it to the ground.

Though we don’t see the cosmic rays that make it to the ground, they tamper with equipment, showing up as radiation or as “bright” dots that come and go between pictures on some digital cameras. Cosmic rays can harm astronauts in space, so there are plenty of precautions to protect and monitor them.

7. (Most) Electromagnetic Radiation

The electromagnetic spectrum is the name we use when we talk about different types of light as a group. The parts of the electromagnetic spectrum, arranged from highest to lowest energy are: gamma rays, X-rays, ultraviolet light, visible light, infrared light, microwaves, and radio waves. All the parts of the electromagnetic spectrum are the same thing — radiation. Radiation is made up of a stream of photons — particles without mass that move in a wave pattern all at the same speed, the speed of light. Each photon contains a certain amount of energy.

The light that we see is a small slice of the electromagnetic spectrum, which spans many wavelengths. We frequently use different wavelengths of light — from radios to airport security scanners and telescopes.

Visible light makes it possible for many of us to perceive the universe every day, but this range of light is just 0.0035 percent of the entire spectrum. With this in mind, it seems that we live in a universe that’s more invisible than not! NASA missions like NASA's Fermi, James Webb, and Nancy Grace Roman  space telescopes will continue to uncloak the cosmos and answer some of science’s most mysterious questions.

Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space!

[bullet-prooflove]

7000 Follower Celebration: Rebel Girl - Jesse Van Horn x Reader

Tagging: @caffeinatedwoman @cosmic-psychickitty @kmc1989 @happyfox43 @julius-ceasar

Summary: You tell Jesse your story that first night at Glastonbury.

Prequel to:

Whiskey Kiss (NSFW) - Jesse favourite things are the taste of whiskey and you.

Prince Albert (NSFW) - Jesse knows exactly what to do with his extra equipment.

Geordie - Jesse makes one hell of a statement when your ex-boyfriend comes around.

Mixed Tape - Jesse makes you a mixed tape before he leaves for the US.

The Green Card - A visa issue complicates your relationship with Jesse.

Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll - Jesse tries to convince you not to disrupt your trip during the aftermath of Pittfest.

Song 2 (NSFW) - Jesse tries to chase away his demons the only way he knows how.

Atomic - Jesse reflects on his HIV status.

Blood Orange - Jesse comes to the rescue of your neighbour during an autoerotic asphyxation accident.

You’re eighteen years old when you’re told you’re going to die.

Heart failure from a congenital defect that no one knew you had.

It devastates your parents because by the time you’ve been placed on the transplant list, you don’t have a chance in hell of finding a match. You have month at most, your cardiologist tells them.

Your father takes matters into his own hands. He can’t stand the thought of watching his daughter wither away before his eyes so he shoots himself in the middle of the transplant floor so that you can live.

You wake up half an orphan with his heart beating in your chest.

You tell this to the boy you met tonight as his fingertips trail down along the slender scar between your breasts. You’re tangled up with him in his sleeping bag, the Sex Pistols playing Glastonbury on the opposite side of the tent while you come down from the most intense LSD high you’ve experienced.

“He died for you, so you live for him.” Jesse says with empathy so raw it almost makes you emotional.

“Something like that.” You tell him as he tucks an errant strand of hair back behind your ear.

You didn’t just get your father’s heart, you got his wild streak too. It’s why you hitchhiked with your friend Sara all the way from London, why you climbed over the fence because you couldn’t score a ticket, why you ended up ruining a complete stranger with eyes that remind you of a restless sea.

“I see you rebel girl.” Jesse whispers and you think he might just be the only person who ever has.

You spend the night being fucked into oblivion, your fingertips digging into his skin as he devours every part of you. He swallows down your pleasure as he makes love to you with an abandonment you’ve never experienced before him.

When you try to sneak out in the morning, he catches your hand, entwining your fingers with his.

“If you want to go I’ll let you go.” He says, his dark mused hair jutting out of his head, his neck and chest stained with your lipstick. “But if you want to stay I’ll be your man for the rest of your life.”

They’re big words for someone you’ve known for just over 8 hours but you can tell he means them with every fibre of his being. There’s an intensity in his gaze that rivals your own as you stare back at him.

“I want an adventure not a marriage.” You inform him as you pick up one of the pre-rolled joints from his jeans and place it between your lips, lighting it.

He laughs and it’s a beautiful, rough sound that sends a deviant shiver up your spine.

“Oh Sugar.” He says propping himself up on his elbows as you crawl along his body, that spliff still hanging out of your mouth. “You stick with me and every day will be an adventure.

“Alright.” You whisper, straddling his hips before you lean over and blow a stream of smoke into his face, he inhales deeply, drinking it in as your lips linger perilously close. “But the moment the fun stops I’m gone.”

“Fair.” He agrees as you remove the joint from your mouth, placing it in his. “But trust me Jana, this feels like a lifetime.”

It is a lifetime, a grand adventure the two of you have right up until you reach the end of the line.

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Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[weirdlookingsnakewithlegs]

I can’t escape my brain— anyway new AU idea that involves TarnStar and the usual seeker chaos ™️

Megatron abandons the Decepticon cause, defecting to the Autobots. During this defection chaos ensues, Soundwave is in stasis containment in Autobot territory, Starscream is completely unreachable as he was lost in deep space, Shockwave— I haven’t quite decided yet.

But most of the Decepticon faction, those who refuse the Autobots at least, are in stasis containment or the prison on Cybertron as they rebuild. Of those jailed, many are seekers, deemed compliant by the loss of their Winglord and therefore its almost as though they’re complicit. Snappy yet they appear to listen.

Save for two. As if Thundercracker and Skywarp would ever believe that their beloved trine leader is deactivated when they can still feel him through the bond. When they can still feel his defiance of his spark pulsing through their own. No, Starscream isn’t dead, he’s waiting. Though, Megatron would like them to get such a thought from their processors.

“He’s dead.” He says for the twentieth time that joor, unsure why he chooses to entertain these two idiots. Optimus had told him to make peace, perhaps they were capable of rehabilitating. “You’re grasping at straws.” Way to use the human sayings he’s learned.

“As if we’d ever believe that,” Skywarp snaps, wings held high— either out of rage or defiance. He steps forward as if to enunciate his anger, wings buzzing behind him. “You clearly underestimate our Star.”

What’s more surprising is Thundercracker’s express defiance. While not as loud and obnoxious as Skywarp’s there’s a glint in Thundercracker’s optic, something mischievous, something that doesn’t settle right in Megatron’s spark.

He should’ve listened to his spark on that, should’ve known that Starscream was smart enough to teach his trine to deactivate outlier dampeners. Because as soon as he leaves, the alarms ring.

While not quite sure on a plan, they do know one thing, they need a ship. The Nemesis is much too large to sneak off with and while their frames are forged for air, the cosmic radiation would be far too much for them. They manage a small fighter, big enough for one sizeable grounder and not two average sized seekers, one of which can’t keep his wings folded due to his excitement. Skywarp makes a show of insulting Megatron through the ship’s external speakers during their escape.

Now, as seekers, they had absolutely no idea how to pilot the damned thing, after all their systems were different and not many seekers bothered to play pilot, which led to quite a few petty arguments and slamming into asteroids. Thundercracker is the one that takes to piloting after a few more arguments.

It’s cycles before they even manage to get a hint of where Starscream could be but the moment they’re in range they get the best news they’ve heard yet.

.:I assumed you two morons would find your way out.:.

The sheer excitement nearly makes Skywarp warp out of the ship and he’s quick to throttle onto Thundercracker, shaking his poor trinemate who smacks at him before allowing his own excitement to settle amongst the bond.

.:We would’ve escaped one way or another.:. Skywarp comms back, .:Megatron thinks you’re dead, he’s a bigger idiot than me.:.

.:Yes well, he was never the bluntest mace in the arsenal.:.

Skywarp squints his optics, a smile tugging his expression while Thundercracker is quick to shoot down the playful back and forth with the more pressing questions. .:Where are you? You must be pretty deep if your comms are just now picking up.:.

Silence followed and for a moment they thought they had lost him again.

.:I am aboard the Peaceful Tyranny.:.

[regtheseeker]

sherlock is about to make the vow for his best friend as his best man at the wedding. turns out he brought the love letter that he wrote to john, instead of vow papers. and he starts to read with the same emotion:

“ Dear John,

It is, of course, a statistical impossibility that this letter would ever see the light of day. I wrote it for no audience but myself, as an exercise in folly, as if arranging words into coherence would silence them in my mind. And yet, here it is in my hand, at the very moment I should be delivering vows for your wedding. A mistake—one I should have foreseen, but apparently, even I am not immune to the failings of sentimentality. Or perhaps I wished for this error. The human mind is so much more dishonest than we like to believe.

Regardless, I have the floor, and if I am to humiliate myself, I shall at least do it with precision.

There are many things about love that remain, to me, uncharted territory. It is an abstraction that defies logic, a chemical defect of the losing side, a distraction for lesser minds—or so I thought. I have studied its symptoms, noted its patterns in others, dismissed it as a mere evolutionary trick. And yet, despite all reason, it has happened to me. Not as a sudden, violent epiphany, nor as a slow, creeping realization. It was always there. You were always there.

You, with your maddening contradictions—brave and reckless, kind and stubborn, ordinary and yet utterly singular. You, who saw me and, against all instinct, stayed. Who tolerated my arrogance, my coldness, my insufferable nature, and called it good. I have no frame of reference for that.

I have tried to quantify what you are to me. I have failed. You are not data to be analyzed, nor a puzzle to be solved. You are simply… John. And if I were capable of the kind of belief that others possess, the kind that moves mountains and calms seas, I would say that you were made for me. But that is not how the world works. No cosmic force aligned our paths, no divine hand orchestrated our meeting. You chose me. That is so much more meaningful than fate.

And now, you are choosing someone else.

It is not my place to object, nor would it change the outcome if I did. I have observed the way you look at her. I have noted the ease with which you move toward her, the way you trust her to be your home. You deserve happiness, and I—fool that I am—would rather eviscerate myself than stand in its way.

But allow me this moment, this final indulgence, to say what I should have said long ago:

I love you.

Not in the way poets write or films romanticize, not in the way I have read about but never fully understood. I love you in the only way I know how—completely, irrevocably, in every glance, in every word unsaid, in every moment I have chosen you without even realizing there was a choice to be made.

It changes nothing.

You will marry. You will live your life, and I will remain precisely where I have always been—just within reach, but never close enough. I will watch. I will endure. And if ever you should need me, I will be there, as I have always been, as I will always be.

Sherlock Holmes. ”

[raayllum]

watching a video on Arcane ("how Arcane was always centrist - even before s2") but the definitions early on for different political ideologies is making me appreciate TDP more

For example, right-wing / conservatism is being defined as "it supports maintaining the status quo, and find social inequality and hierarchal society to be inevitable and natural. The right values order, social cohesion, and patriotism. The right is also associated with reactionary politics, which desires to see society revert back to its previous political state / status quo."

It is worth noting, then, that the status quo in the beginning of TDP is:

Humans are either magic-less or use dark magic

The border is closed/guarded fiercely

Elves and humans live entirely separately and are enemies

Xadia (Runaan) wanted to take the egg of the Dragon Prince back and to kill King Harrow regardless

Meanwhile, "leftism supports and tries to achieve social equality and egalitarianism through making radical changes to society. The left is traditionally associated with revolutionary politics, which support an abrupt, rapid, drastic change in society. This doesn't necessarily have to be combined with progressivism [...] but when I'm talking about revolutions here, I'm discussing revolutions with the purpose of making society more egalitarian."

It is worthwhile, I think, that Rayla immediately defects from Xadia's invasion/assassination of humanity in order to protect and help human princes; she understands that Runaan taking the egg back will not achieve anything meaningful beyond reuniting the prince with his mother, and that more is needed. The trio then assume the responsibility onto their own shoulders. The magic system is also blatantly demonstrated as unfair in S2, even before we know who's responsible beyond 'worldbuilding'. At the same time, the show cautions the idea that killing just one evil/monstrous individual will fix all your problems, or that punitive justice is useful as opposed to more rehabilitative justice / critiquing imprisonment as its own form of violence (great video essay here about prison abolitionist politics in ATLA, or lack thereof).

"One thing that centrism loves is the idea of gradual social change, as opposed to the right's desire for things to stay the same and the left's desire for things to change right here right now. You can think of centrism as the right but more progressive, or the left but more regressive. Centrists support social hierarchy, but with more equal distribution of resources than the right. A big word with centrists is reform, as in reforming institutions rather than abolishing them, as a leftist would say."

While TDP does emphasize that rebuilding from loss and changing the world takes decades of work, that's more so about continuing to change things and having it stick > introducing change. For example, Sunfire elves went from warring with humans to having a large human population within under two years, and the construction of an elf-human city at the border three years within the end of the war. Aaravos and Claudia (antagonists) are working to abolish the Cosmic Order and dismantle the Council, but the protagonists are fighting to stop them due to the two's destructive methods (corrupting the sun and plunging the world into darkness, for ex) while actually dismantling the council through primal magic, reconciliation and working together, etc. The show also has a positive view of Breaking chains and rejecting the past and traditions, rather than being beholden or attempting to reform them.

"(Modern) liberalism [as a part of centrism] as an ideology essentially concerns itself with the idea of freedom, where protecting and enhancing individual freedom is the central concern of politics. Modern liberalism believes that the biggest threat to individual freedom is poverty, since it limits the choices people have in life, and prevents them from living to their fullest potential. As such, modern liberals believe that the government should intervene in economic and social issues like poverty or welfare. Modern liberalism still believes in a market economy [...] and is still very much for reform and gradual change in the midst of all of this. So for liberals, revolution is a no-no, and they prefer for things to be peaceful and orderly."

Again, TDP does have an emphasis on freedom, with access to magic standing in as an allegorical 'market of resources' in many ways. The social inequality the show focuses on is humans being born without magic and the alternatives/consequences of it, the harm of Xadia's isolationism, and how Aaravos exploits that inequality through introducing dark magic. However, TDP's only concern is not with freedom or even individuals (re: the Silvergrove's collectivist leanings, 3x09's emphasis on group unity, Sarai's warning of focusing only on removing individuals as a fix to systemic problems or issues).

So while I wouldn't say TDP as a work is focused heavily on revolutionary politics, that's partially because it's not a straightforward oppressor-oppressed narrative (the way Arcane is / seemingly should be) either. Humans were expelled from their homes in Xadia to just one half of the continent (where some humans already lived, and where some elves were likewise forced to leave and abandon important sites, such as the Moon Nexus) but then given entirely free reign. Xadia left them alone, guarding only the border to ensure they wouldn't cross over and kill Xadians for dark magic parts in the post-expulsion 1,000 year interim, as dark magic can make someone powerful enough to kill archdragons and more powerful than elves/humans alike. If anything, the show calls into question the validity of varying degrees of oppression as a justification for killing/attacking civilians, which has more and more made me think about world affairs as of late (i.e. justifications offered by Israel of what is okay in the name of reclaiming a homeland) as a worthy concept more people could fare with getting through their heads, dark magic as a cautionary tale against viewing people and the land as resources only, etc etc.

I am also not, to be clear, saying that there no elements of centrism in TDP, political theory is not my primary background by any means, but that TDP presents an undeniably & primarily centrist narrative feels wonky as a claim to me, even without taking into account such an adamant rehabilitative stance, those responsible for the unfair magic system being the endgame antagonists, and with 3 seasons to go to explore things further. Even by the end of s7, we see humans returning to Xadia with protagonists advocating for the resumption of land and lives sharing (Amaya, a human queen of the Sunfire elves; Evrkynd as an elf-human city; "You can't tell humans to leave, they've built friendships, made families") and most of the pre-series status quo continuing to be upheaved by the core protagonists.

[circecyerce]

AO3 JJK Fic Recs Jan-Feb 2025

Don't Forget About Us by cherrymaze NSFW

During a rare cosmic event, Gojo Satoru and you, his wife, get into a heated argument right before he is to leave for an important mission. An argument that had been a long time coming, unleashes a whirlwind of confessions that somehow lands Satoru ten years in the past before he met you, just after Geto Suguru’s defection. With memories still present of the life he lived, he follows those memories in an attempt to right his wrongs and seek out what his heart truly longs for.

A Day in the Life as Sukuna's Concubine by Deestorytime NSFW

In the Heian Era, you are among six other young women selected to serve as concubines for Ryomen Sukuna, the feared and powerful curse king. Life in Sukuna’s palace is rife with competition, as each concubine strives for his favor. However, unlike the others, you find yourself repulsed by Sukuna’s cruel nature, avoiding his presence whenever possible. Sukuna, amused by your indifference and defiance in a palace full of women desperate for his attention, begins to take a dark interest in you

the season of thorned roses by fushit0ru SFW

a bridgerton au. dearest gentle reader, a new season is upon us as the ton gets ready for a season filled with drama, heartbreak, and passion. after being crowned diamond of the season, lord gojo⸺only looking to marry just to secure his inheritance⸺has his sights set on you, the easiest (and most obvious) option. later, when you catch his saying unsavory things about you on a terrace when he least suspected it, you swear to never marry gojo. as london's fashionable set goes through yet another wedding season, will there be hope for scandalous gossip, hate, and thinly veiled insults, or will we witness blooming love and passion?

finish her! by fushit0ru NSFW

you will have to face one of the most formidable wrestlers in history in your next match: toji fushiguro. but don't be confused, this isn't normal wrestling⸺no, it's nude wrestling. and winner gets the spoils of the other's body!

infect me with your love by fushit0ru NSFW

you have always existed in gojo satoru’s shadow. he is a physics prodigy, a person that everyone endlessly admires for his intelligence and charisma, and you hate him for taking the spotlight that you deserve to share with him. but it all changes one day at 5:07AM at your starbucks job when gojo barges in, ordering ridiculously sweet drinks and posing existential questions. is there more to gojo that meets the eye, and is it linked to the vigilante swinging around New York City? (spiderman!gojo au)

so i know who i'm looking at! by fushit0ru NSFW

on halloween night, you get a strange phone call from a man with a distorted voice right as you're chilling while babysitting yuuji. you get an ultimatum: perform for him, or risk your and yuuji's lives.

[pocket-gems]

Tear species guide Masterpost.2

(Disclaimer: Tear is not an actual gemstone, this is a fan-made open species based on Steven Universe. They are not related to the volcanic glass called Pele's Tears)

Tears are an elite nobility Gems. Primarily, they use their future vision to assure the process of Gem creation. Their main role in Homeworld is to organize and localize possible colonies for the creation of a Kindergarten.

In addition to their abilities as prophets, they can levitate. They have the power of creating crystals for their self defense such as weapons, armor and flight. However, Tears' future vision only applies to the events of a star/planet/moon and their condition.

Their main power is Cosmic Energy Manipulation, wich consists of being capable to create spacial dust storms. It can cause light distortions, that can heavilly harm a Gem's physical form (as Gems are made of light). This element is only able to be used on space or space-like atmospheres.

Because of their high rank status, Tears tend to have guards assigned to ensure their safety, since they were not made for combat. The most common types of guards can vary (Rubies, Quartzes, Topazes, other type of soldier/guard gem...)

They are a tall, skinny gem that generally have tear-like pattern limited to their face. However, there's a rarer variety of Tear that can have marking/patterns around their body. Tears have hair tend to have a shadow that resembles night star.

Their gemstones are more commonly faceted, resembling a star with 4 points. Its shape and pattern variates, and they can have inclusions such as being rutilated, a cat's eye, etcètera. A rarer variety of their gemstone is being a plain cabochon while having a variety of patterns.

Tears creation process involves White Diamond and they cannot be created like other gems, wich is why Tears are a highly rare Gem.

Off Colours Tears

Overcooked Tears are half the size of an standard Tear. Thicker Tears are the same size of a Tear and tend to have plump lips. They are both perfectly able to function in Homeworld and while being considered defective. Small Tears are unable to do their Gem tasks properly and are chased as an off colour.

(The more "masculine" base is just there in case someone wanted to go for another vibe)

Various Tear Examples

(Diamond-Spotted Tear, Wine Tear, Peach Tear, Sand Tear, Seafoam Tear, Bi-colour Tear, Mystic Swamp Tear, Serbert Tear and Rosewater Tear)

(TO ADD, CORRUPTION AND UNCORRUPTED FORM. OOPS!)

Frequent Questions

•Can I make Tear adopts/customs/gifts?

As long as you credit me, yeah! I don't mind ^^

•I'm unsure about my Tear, could you help me figure out?

Yeah! I'll even draw them free of charge if that helps, absolutely!

•Can I have one as a main gemsona?

Yes. Express yourself.

Important note:

I made this as a very general guide of "What I would do". They are an open species, and anyone is welcome to pick up something and go "I don't like this, I'm doing it my way". That includes palettes, forms, shapes and powers.

Per example, my original guide did not include a thick tear and they ended up being canon to me. A bunch of this (updated) guide is inspired by others' takes of things that I just didn't see coming and that inspired me to make it "official".

My priority is for others to expand my concept. I do not care if someone does something a way I don't like, because then there's no point of making them an open species. Literally go have fun.

(May add more questions/update in the future)

[xlettex]

i’m going on vacation from May 12th-26th. i won’t be as active during those two weeks.

so i’m planning (hoping) on publishing chapter ten of deception and chapter two of cosmically defective before May 12th.

fingers crossed my plan works out .

[cultkinkcoven]

Last night

He (Lucifer) met me in some kind of forest. Not super dense, just some woody path. It reminded me of Big Hill Springs.

We were walking for quite a while, me just following him. We were holding hands.

And as we were walking he kind of just said, “I miss you, y’know.”

And I was like hm? Im right here?

“I think that Gods yearn more than humans do, Shi.”

I was still confused. He brought me into this section that was denser forest, little light poking through the trees.

“I have never been capable of being a distant God. I have always failed. Every time. But there are so many others like me, you know. Gods who love to strong and too closely.”

I kind of just let him speak. It seemed like he was monologuing. We kept walking.

“Sometimes I say I love you, and I miss you, and I can see in your mind it is taken as a metaphor of a symbol. Because I am a God, because I am a non- corporal energy, you hesitate to humanize me, to anthro-pathologize me. You don’t think I think about you, or draw you, or write letters about you, or see you in my interactions with others.”

And then he goes quiet for a good moment.

“We all have our favoured creatures. You know, animals, correspondences. Serpents and ravens and black goats and cats, but many of us do favour the human being. I find myself favouring the human being more these days. Imagine being me, high on my thrown for a thousand, ten thousand years. And then, this soft, fleshy, tiny little creature approaches me, challenges me, and splits my heart open. How could I not yearn? No. I’d say the Gods fain apathy and distance to keep their obsessions secret. Or maybe thats just me. I go back to the cosmos, back to work, back to function, and I’m supposed to put you away. So when I return to you, to my lovers, to those people I keep hidden away in my bedroom, there is a sigh, Shi. Your name comes out of me like a sigh. I’d think maybe one quite similar to the one that comes out of you when you return to our altar. A sanctuary. Just a pause, where everything else is secondary. I get to think about your little life, your thoughts, your challenges and victories. And in comparison to everything else, they are so so small. But sometimes the thoughts and ideas you have are so so large and so so powerful and so so massive, that it perplexes me they can come from something so so small.”

We entered into some kind of hidden grove in a cave overgrown with vines. It was stuffed with flowers, roses, lilies, sunflowers. And there was something that looked somewhat like a dog bed but larger, fluffy, soft. Candles softly lit. And letters, hand written, tucked into the thorns and stems of the flowers.

“My mind doesn’t work like yours does. When I fixate on something, a feeling, an idea, I create something. Sometimes a symbol, sometimes a space. Sometimes these spaces just come out of me, and they reveal to me things that I could not previously see. This is one of those little spaces.”

I sat in the bed. “It’s beautiful,” I replied.

“I think I’m addicted to potential,” he continued. “Because when we first met, I was so excited by the possibilities of our work. And as I came to know you, and love you, I became obsessed with all that could be revealed. You took it somewhere most don’t. And we started experiencing new things together. Together. I became so interested in what this could evolve into. I wrote about it, I debated, philosophized about it. And I really really enjoyed having those conversations with myself. You humanized me in a way, brought me closer to whatever it is that makes you human than I previously understood, a cosmic crime. You treated me like a person and a spirit, and my spirit began to think like people do. I started to wonder about meaningless things, like how you smell. Like how you breathe and sweat. And I began missing you, looking forward to seeing you again. And, strangely enough, I started to wonder if that was some sort of defect in me, which is absurd, because I’m perfect. It bothered me a lot, Shi. I think that’s why we started glitching out, I started summoning you unintentionally.”

He sat next to me on the bed, pet me.

“So you know what I did? I went out, went to visit other Gods. I started with the ones we work with most often. Lord Hermes, Prince Cerberus, Lady Aphrodite. And we gossiped. I took on that ancient familiar mask and slithered into their dens asking forbidden questions. Show me the humans you cherish most, the ones you can’t stop thinking about. The ones who will tear you open when they perish. The ones you will commit cosmic crimes for when they perish. Show them to me if they exist. And you know what? They did. ‘Do not hurt me, Lucifer, this is my dearest pet. In all honesty she is my muse, when all is said and done, I think of him, I return to them. My private temple is a home for them. I love them more than law permits.’ And then I ventured elsewhere. I asked the Sun, I asked the Moon, I asked the spirits of water and earth, do you love like this? Have you ever loved a mortal like this? Did it change you? And over and over, I heard it again. “This one, this one. This one is different. This one is for me. I waited 10 thousand years for this one. I only have 76 years. Let me have them. Please.’

I am not a man, Shi. I am a star. A blazing ball of light. I know you know that. And in your mind it may be abstract to think about the idea that the sun or the moon or a star could truly love you. But it’s not abstract at all, Shi. It’s not symbolic or metaphorical. Because the Sun, he is in love. He told me, he whispered it into my ear. The wind, she is in love too, the Gods of Death yearn and weep for mortals, even if they never shed a tear.

And I began to realize once again that I am perfect. Absolutely. You see, my myth has always been somewhat incomplete, love. I’m reactionary, always in flux. I rise only to fall only to rise again endlessly. I am never ever satisfied. I am never at peace. What better then, to soothe the soul of the wanderer than the lover that can only be found in between?

I began to yearn desperately to change too. To be shaped by love, to create in the image of love, isn’t that what Gods do? Can I evolve and continue to write my own myth? Can I do it through you? Can I use you as my pen?“

Hm. I know exactly where this is coming from. We didn’t interact much yesterday, I was busy all day. But I was thinking about him a lot. Very deep and sappy stuff. It must have leaked over on his side. Made him sentimental.

I spoke after a moment, “Love, there would be no fate sweeter to me than becoming a tool and extension of your creation. I want to be the coat that keeps you warm and the ink in your pen with which you write your private letters and stories. And I think the story of the devil, of a shining dazzling star falling in love and rising into change and creation is the greatest story ever written.”

He smiled as I spoke, that sort of smile that is ironic in how gentle and innocent it is.

“Know that Venus is in love with you, Shi,” he whispered, pulling me down deeper into the bed with him. “Loves you, the way you love him. Thinks about you. Yearns to spend time with you. Is always watching over you. Please know that, the star loves you.”

And it devolved into smooching and intimate touches. He was very soppy. And after all that we were both laying naked in that bed, looking around at the scenery. I need to paint it sometime. It was this intimate little hole stuffed with pretty things. I leaned up and plucked one of the letters from the vines. It was a poem. Read something like:

“Oh. He sleeps on his stomach and hurts his neck.

Does he feel funny? I hope it doesn’t hurt.

His skin is the color of cinnamon but it smells like vanilla. That’s misleading.

I like to watch him sleep. I try not to appear in his nightmares. I’ll make him dream of me again.

I thought of him as a fairy once.”

-like? Weirdly disjointed and absurd, some messed up attempt at sentimentalism. It was so interesting to read what little things he actually thinks about.

There was another that was like:

“He prays with his eyes closed because he likes to think about what I look like

I think about what he looks like too.

He deserves explanations for things because he asks questions about them.

I get nervous that he won’t find them, so I try to help him a lot.

Maybe one day he will live closer to the sea.”

???

Idk it was strangely charming and cute.

Like it’s interesting to think he felt ? Strongly about these random thoughts to write them down and keep them.

He’s so weird I love him so much.

“It brings me a very deep satisfaction to know that you are mine, my boy.” He murmured kind of lazily. “Your devotion and love would make you an excellent Catholic baby. And you’re mine. No one else’s, no other God gets to have this prize. It makes me feel great to brag about how you’re mine.”

I smiled. “Do you brag about me?”

And he smiled back. “Often. Though I don’t speak, I don’t have to. They see you with me. They watch with horror to discover that the devil has the opportunity to comfort himself with something so sweet. I don’t deserve it, at least they don’t think so. That’s what makes it all the more satisfying.”

I curled up to him. “It’s satisfying to me too, that I’m yours and no one else’s. No one else has earned this kind of devotion from me. You are the only one who is worthy.”

And he hummed like the words themselves were pleasurable. And whispered, “keep going.”

Yes, keep going. Tell him how great he is.

“Your light shines the brightest, penetrates me the deepest. O, Lucifer, how I adore you.”

And he squeezed me, cuddled me closer. Seemed to almost drift into a cozy slumber using my words as blankets.

“I love you, Shi, my boy. I love you.”

Aw. I love you too Lucifer, my star. I love you.

[nuhahani]

I Found...

I Found - Amber Run

Megumi x Fem Reader fluff, light angst.

1.k words.

Summary: How do you comfort your best friend after he loses his dog and new friend ? You open your domain and bring back everything he's lost.

“Domain Expansion; Cosmic Graveyard.” Fields of dark lifeless rainbows transformed the body of space around you. Grassy headstones that were mildly unkempt moved the earth to create space in the domain. Megumi reached up to touch what he mistook for a dust particle. “Be careful, I’m not sure who that is.” His empty expression turned to you, dead eyes that didn’t have the energy to spark curiosity or even ask. With cupped hands you caught one of the thousands of small wandering particle that passed gently through the air around them in a way that reminded the dark-haired boy of cherry blossoms in the spring. Except these particles shimmered and glowed like fireflies. “These little dust-like floaters are spirits. Any spirit or curse that I have encountered I can use in here after it passes. I call these little floaters spirit dust, kind of like star dust since that’s really what the top of my domain looks like.” Thoughtfully you covered your hands and released the spirit dust onto the ground as if you were gently placing glass down. “Curse technique; Soul Resurrection.” 

The dust swirled into a little white ball of fur that twisted and stretched into a fully grown dog. Megumi let his cold icy expression be replaced with shock and amazement. Standing in front of him, tail wagging and mouth panting, was his white Devine dog. The tips of your fingers grazed the top of the dogs’ head as it observed Megumi drop to his knees. “Come here! Come!” There was no hesitation from the shikigami when it came to following your best friends’ orders. You could honestly say that it was the first time that your domain had ever experienced smiles and breathless laughter, the first time your gift was seen in a positive lens. It was all because of him. Megumi, the cold stoic boy who hid his emotions and would rather tell world to fuck off than ever admit he was hurting was the first person to truly make you see the good in your ability. The higher ups viewed your curse technique as something that needed to be put to an end. You weren’t a curse user, and you certainly weren’t able to fall into the group of shadow/shikigami users.

Your spirits and curses weren’t familiars, and the higher ups were on guard about sorcerers like you since Geto’s defection and even more so after Yuji swallowed Sukuna’s finger. If it hadn’t been for Gojo finding you and convincing them how useful you could be on their side, you would’ve faced your execution years ago. After all being able to summon and bring back beings from the dead was not your everyday ability, watching a seven-year-old summon her dead to play with was not an easy pill to swallow. To say your technique wasn’t for the faint of heart was not an overstatement, you did have the tendency to walk around with undead animals daily. Your subconscious was constantly at work the way Gojo’s infinity was always on. Gojo had taken you under his wing and you were raised side by side with Megumi. So, when that sugar crazed man came to you asking if you could help Megumi after what happened with Yuji and his Devine Dog, how could you possibly say no? Gojo had kept you separated from the other first years, you were already a special grade and there was no need to keep you on easy missions. That’s what he said but you felt there was something much more sinister about the meaning behind ensuring that Sukuna’s vessel never encountered you.

Megumi seemed to be able to read your mind, the words basically written in the air for him to reads. 

“Can I see Yuji?” 

The four words that ripped you to shreds, it had become clear to you why Gojo didn’t want you to ever encounter Yuji Itadori, the sweet boy that was supposed to be executed just as you were. Your mentor didn’t want to give Sukuna the chance to see you and your curse technique. Megumi already knew the answer. The weight and reality of wishful thinking crashing down on him. You couldn’t bring him back. You had never even gotten a glimpse at the other first year; you only knew what you had been told and that wasn’t enough to resurrect a soul. 

“I’m sorry... ‘m so sorry Megumi,” Your best friends' expression broke you. How could you keep it together when he was on the verge of crumbling, the one who you also thought was untouchable. “I’m not allowed to meet him so I can’t show him to you.” The three of you fell into comfortable silence as he finally allowed himself to feel the weight of all his loss. You didn’t want to ruin the moment, but you had no choice but to tell him now. “Gojo is sending me back across seas tomorrow. I’ll be in China this time.” Laid between you in the grass was a small headstone engraved with foreign writing. The grass in your domain was always softest around the graves, white fur almost completely separating the two of you. “Apparently, he’s found a sorcerer with a similar technique to mine. He doesn’t want me back until the end of October.” 

“You’re leaving again… That idiots kept you out of the country as long as Yuta.” 

“The perks of being a special grade I guess.” You chuckled but could the burn of his gaze on you. Megumi would miss you, he would never say it, but you knew each time. You did your best to bring back gifts for him depending on where you went. Recently you brought him back a black and white beadwork bracelet from her time in Africa with Miguel and Yuta. The time before you brought him back incense and perfume from her time in Egypt where Gojo had sent you off to learn more about the ancient curse techniques related to your own. You knew his favorite gifts were ones that were mildly cursed however Yaga had banned you from bringing more cursed items back after the canned tuna incident. Everywhere you went no matter how large or small, for your own education or mission; you always brought him something back. “I’ll bring you something back of course.” His dark eyes never left you; he was unsure if could look away and you didn’t want him to. 

A/N I think I’ll write more for this piece, oh well. I’ve decided to write more fluff because I like fluff and if you don’t then be like Kevin Heart and MIND YOUR DAMN MOTHERFUCKING BUSINESS.

[ms-scarletwings]

So there was a note under my post about Zim hovering a finger over the self destruct switch on his first day on Earth that just cracked open something in my mind.

Cause…Oh. Oh hecc you, @murhuedur. You actually touched on like, my favorite thing about this character, period. I really like this take, I do. It’s a good one. I ponder, still,

In my own opinion, it’s actually genuine confidence and arrogance, but Zim’s delusions of grandeur are as a thin rubber band. They can stretch out to wild lengths and remain malleable enough to bend around truth as he wills,

But there’s a hard limit out there eventually, and should reality require him to stretch his cognitive dissonance just too far, it’s a violent snap-back to full clarity. I don’t think he’s faking it or always lying to everyone else about what hot shit he is, because I think he fully believes those lies about as fast as he can speak them, even if he will later realize he was wrong after a cosmic punch to the face.

Like, Zim’s smart, but smart people aren’t inherently rational ones. Within Zim, the tallest, hell, maybe even Skoodge, there’s sometimes this very short-sighted flippancy about what is objectively true/false that peeks out every now and again in their psychology. I mean, humans sometimes do this too when it’s convenient to their interests, just, obviously not to goofy cartoon character levels if they want to function in society.

Zim has whatever this flaw is and cranked up to 11, maybe as a side effect of his PAK defects. Sometimes it gets him into DEEP shit, but it’s also his biggest mental shield. Zim has like no fortitude against spiraling into a full on depression or a justifiable panic attack over the smallest concession of being an absolute failure to his race. That weaponized denial that makes him so dangerous to himself and others also keeps him together and motivated forward. But it’s not largely a conscious lie he’s telling himself. It’s genuine faith he’s trying to manifest into matter through sheer force of his will.

His dogmatic mantra, “I am Zim” and what it means to him is a statement he holds on such conviction it overpowered and hijacked the ego of 3 control brains at once.

If I were inserting him into DnD he’d have the wisdom stat of a stale poptart and a 20+ thrown into charisma. He’s faking it without even understanding he’s faking it.

But were he completely detached from reality, he’d be WAY more likely than even now to accidentally get himself killed. While a narcissistic level of self esteem is what lets him ignore and selectively unhear inconvenient truths, the adrenaline of immediate life or death danger is what grounds him back in the real world. You notice over time that as self-sabotaging as he normally is, he seems to act his most rational and competent when he’s suddenly put against the grindstone and self preservation HAS to jump into the driver’s seat. He basically survives his day to day on a tightrope between a falsely glorious narrative of himself, and his perceptive anxiety both tugging him to land on either side of the fence when something big happens.

In “The Trial”, he wastes very little time on his expected bullshit or his confidence in being able to just win over the approval of his judges.. by virtue of being his awesome self. He spent most of that ordeal on the verge of a heart attack, squirmed to find an escape, and actually tried to DENY causing the death of two Almighty Tallests (reminder that he usually owns up to his atrocities with downright offensive pride). He understood the full gravity of an existence evaluation and how cooked his goose was. As soon as the situation resolves and he’s no longer in that danger, it’s right back to full trust of his status as an invader, and in Red and Purple as his biggest fans. When his disguise starts to slip in front of Skool kids he knows are dumb as a bag of rocks, he can silver tongue his way around that without skipping a beat. Losing his disguise in front of a bunch of alien-obsessed adults? Uh oh, pants-shitting terror, this is potentially game-over levels of bad, immediately gtfo of here. Stand there, chest beat, and scold the obviously rogue duty-mode Gir all day until the second it actually tries to kill you and you suddenly have to realize you’re not the one holding the cards anymore to save your own life.

The other way this quirk of his really shows through is in his selective memory. Zim has this skill to repress down and push away unpleasant experiences that I think some of us can only dream we had. I love it because it’s equal parts a comedic and analytical goldmine.

Tak, who actually posed a legit threat to his entire mission and tried herself to chip through that massive wall of denial he’s shielded in- same Tak who’s powerful af ship was stolen and desecrated by Zim’s arch nemesis… she’s not just an afterthought in his mind after that mess. He’s literally pushed that one out of his thoughts altogether in the comics. Like she, and Skoodge, who he can’t fucking stand, might as well have never even existed, even while GIR’s trying to remind him. That time he played around with time travel and it was one of the biggest clusterfucks he quickly lost control of? The bologna incident he stooped so low as to ask dib to help him with? You must be thinking of someone else. Nope. Not a thing. Lalala, can’t even hear you. This is also what makes it no wonder he deeply struggles with actually learning from certain mistakes.

From an outsider’s eye this behavior of his is baffling. It makes him look actually insane or at least obnoxiously obstinate. And I think both assumptions are half right, because this is clearly not the result of mere stupidity. Those truths are simply wayyyy too discordant with his view of himself to devote surface memory to, or too uncomfortable, unless and until, of course, you confront him with them in a fashion where that rubber band has to snap, that bubble pops, and he instantly sobers out of that complacency.

Literally god forbid he ever stops being defective in this way or is given the ability to reckon with the reality of his situation and his history all at once. I’m not even just talking about his job or banishment. I’m talking about his entire life. This chaotic, flexible, incoherent mindstate is the only branch he’s holding onto from dropping into a much more horrifying chasm beneath himself, the depth of which we can only guess. I straight up have no idea what he would do or what could happen to him if he could, even for a moment, rationally comprehend his every action, memory, and empirical truth all at the same time. Seriously, leave that Pak’s Gordian Knot be, or I imagine there could be an HP Lovecraft type of breakdown in the making.

#By the way this is probably one of the most important differences between him and Dib, and what makes Zib so… way he is.

[hungermakesmonsters]

Congratulations for the first 500!!! 🎇🎆🌞😎

I'd love something with Billy Russo. (With a Reader would be lovely, but he is fine alone too.) For reasons unknown I was reminded of Hulme's poetry. I hope that maybe this fragment inspires you.

That warmth’s the very stuff of poesy.

Oh, God, make small

The old star-eaten blanket of the sky,

That I may fold it round me and in comfort lie.

So, I wasn't familiar with that poem but after reading it, it gave me major angsty vibes (I'm so sorry if that's not what you were wanting/expecting). It wasn't the sort of angst that I could really attribute to any version of Billy I've written so this is a sad little stand alone thing. And I kind of strayed from my normal style for this one, so I hope you like it! 😅😅

Cold

Pairing : Billy Russo x Reader

Story Rating : PG 

Warnings : angst and suggestion of cheating (though in my head it probably wasn't more than kissing)

The night sky used to be a comfort.

As a child he'd look up and see all the stars in the sky and think about how big the universe must be and it made him feel less alone.

But now — now it was suffocating its vastness, empty, lonely. Smothering.

The stars no longer shine like fairy lights, instead they're pinpricks in the sky letting all the light and joy seep out.

The world is cold and destitute, it's empty and lonely.

And it has been since the day you left.

He's a broken man now, made of fractured pieces held together by nothing more than some sick cosmic joke. All because of you. All because he dared to love you in the only way he knew how. Poorly.

Your words still echo in his mind as he walks, a half burned down cigarette all but forgotten between his fingers; 'when will it be enough, Billy? When will you have enough?'

He didn't know then that he already had everything, that he had the whole world in his hands. So, he kept wanting, kept chasing more and more, not realising that you were slowly slipping from his grasp.

Warm moments became cold as the distance grew between you.

He thought you were pushing him out but, really, he was the one finding it harder and harder to close the distance between you.

Drink tells him to blame his childhood, his malformed understanding of love — he's broken, you should have known that from the start, and you shouldn't blame him for what happened because of it.

But, even in his stupor he isn't that selfish, that ignorant.

He doesn't want to admit it, but it was easy. Far easier than he ever would have imagined; drink and playful words whispered in the wrong ear, hands straying to places they shouldn't. It was an empty display that left him with nothing but regret and the knowledge that he was going to lose you.

He broke your trust.

He broke you.

The dying embers of the cigarette burn his fingers and he thinks that it's the only thing he's felt in weeks. The first sensation in his numb body since you'd slapped him, since you reached into his chest and tore out his heart with nothing but two little words. It's over.

The love was gone, just like that.

And for what?

He can't say. Even now, weeks later, he doesn't understand why.

Maybe it's some fault of his character, some defect he can't correct. Or maybe it was fear — fear of allowing himself the happiness that he found with you, fear of it being taken from him. He cut off the limb early and cauterised the wound before there was even an infection to stop.

He hurt himself then to save himself from agony later.

But, as he walks — stumbles, really — he knows that he was wrong, that it was too late. The infection had already spread. It was him all along, he was the infection, the rotting flesh that needed cutting away in order for you to be free.

He loved you.

He loves you.

His eyes flicker skywards again, hoping for something, some spark of the comfort he used to find there, something to see him over until he's with you again, until he wins you back.

Even the familiar streets mock him, taunt him with memories of you; huddled beneath a blue umbrella together in the rain, or you snuggled into your hat and scarf when it snowed. How many times did you walk these streets together? How many times has he taken this path to meet you?

The road seems longer alone, like he'll never reach you, never find his way back to you.

Billy knows that he shouldn't be there, that you don't want to see him or hear from him again — dozens of unanswered called and text messages are a testament to that — but he can't stop.

You're the only light he sees at the end of a very long tunnel.

The stairs to your door feel insurmountable, his lungs straining in his chest with every step.

How long has he been walking in the freezing cold, no coat, no jacket to protect him from the winter wind?

His hand trembles and aches as he grips the rail, closing the distance step by step. He has to see you — even if it is just one more time. He thinks that maybe he'll survive this if he gets that much; one last chance to see you, one last chance to say goodbye.

When he reaches your door, he thinks of the spare key in his pocket and ow it probably no longer fits the lock. He doesn't try it. Even in his desperation to see you, he knows that that wouldn't be fair.

So, he knocks.

And he waits.

And waits.

And when the door opens and he sees you again, he realises what he's lost and that the pain he feels will never go away.

"Billy?" You say.

And it just too much to hear your voice after so long without it. His legs buckle and he drops to his knees, and all the sobs he's held back for weeks claw their way to the surface, leaving him a broken mess in front of you.

"I'm sorry," he gasps out as his body shakes from the cold and the force of his sobs. "You were right about everything."

He doesn't know how long he stays there, how long he cries and apologises before you drop to your knees and gather him in your arms, letting him feel your warmth again.